First Door on the Left

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing and whomever you are with, I wish you peace and happiness on this Christmas Eve, 2002.

To my baby sister, a happy birthday.

Mr. Tobey Maguire, a.k.a. Spider Man.

Man, he really buffed up for that movie! (He’s looking at the picture Todd posted today and wondering, “Is that really lotion?”)

Now, should you prefer the more scruffy “hey I just woke up” look…

Yesterday, I received a Christmas card. It was signed “Lots of love, Mom.” Until this year, all my cards have been signed “Lots of love, Mom and Dad.” I love my mom so much, but I miss my dad. I know she does too. This will be her first Christmas without him. I cried.

While I was growing up, our home was always the gathering place for Christmas. There were grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and most anybody else who wanted to show up. Seemed you couldn’t walk three feet without stepping on somebody. There was food and wrapping paper everywhere.

That was then, and this is now. A lot of those people are gone, and the rest are scattered around the country with their own families. This year, it’s just me, the s/o, and his mother.

I really miss Christmas.

We do not yet have a DVD player. I know, we’re way behind the times. I have been hinting a lot that I would really like a DVD player. The other night, he says to me “If I were to get a movie, what movie would you like?” I told him Lord of the Rings. (No, we haven’t seen that yet either.) I kind of think I may be getting a DVD player for Christmas this year.

I still don’t have his gift. I am at a complete loss as to what to get him. He refuses to give me any hints. So, whatever he gets, it’ll serve him right. I’ll go shopping tomorrow.

In past years I have heard and read about people who had the “holiday blues.” I have read that the holidays are the worst time of the year for some people. Suicide rates are higher during the holidays than at any other time of the year.

I never understood. To me, the holidays were a time of family, friends, bright lights, gifts and cheer. I never understood how anybody could not like the holidays.

I am beginning to understand.

(This theme may stop here, or this could be the beginning of what could turn out to be a fairly long thesis. I haven’t decided yet if I want to continue with it. Chances are that I will. It is weighing heavily on my mind, what little there may be left of it.)

In his currently running poll, Jerwin asks “How many people have you slept with in your entire life?” Of those who have responded thus far, roughly 62% place the number somewhere between 1 and 99. (20% claim to be virgins, which does seem plausible, since Jerwin’s site is geared mainly toward the younger gay crowd.)

I’ve been racking my brain, trying to remember. I think I’d have to put the number at somewhere around 20. I asked the s/o, but so far he has refused to answer. How about you?

I have been told that it is past time for bed, and I am far to sleepy to argue. So, goodnight.

I caved. I sold out. I am so, so sorry.

I tried. Honest, I tried. I have no excuse, other than I came home from work tonight so wound up that I had to do something, or somebody, or I was going to explode. The s/o was otherwise occupied, so that left…. you know, changing the colors on this site.

So I changed the colors. Deal.

I was getting kind of tired of those dark colors, anyway. They were there for what, three days?

I think I am in serious need of medication.

Found out tonight that I will be off this coming Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I will actually be off both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In exchange, I will have to work both New Years Eve and New Years Day, but probably only four or five hours each day. When I told the s/o, he informed me that we are going to Fort Worth on Christmas Day to have dinner with his mother. Joy.

I am aching to change the colors on this page. But, I promised that I would not, so I most likely will not. These colors should probably stay put for at least a week. Think?

Changing the colors gives me something to do. I have also found it enjoyable, for some reason. I have never been a particularly artistic person, but, for some reason, I am now finding the search for pleasing color schemes enjoyable. I have heard of people discovering talents late in life. Perhaps this could be mine. Nah!

I truly wish I had something interesting to write about, but I don’t. I guess I could write about sex, but I won’t. I have never understood the thrill that some people experience from reading about the sex lives of other people. Sex has always been a very private matter with me, concerning only me and the other person (or persons?) who may be with me in the room at the time. I am not saying it won’t get written about at some time in the future, however. You just never know.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against people who want to write about their sex lives and post it for all the world to read. I’ve always been a very firm believer in “you do your thing, and I’ll do mine.” So, go on, do your thing!

They wanted to come in. They wanted to share a few scriptures with me, and they had a 10 minute video on the true meaning of Christmas they wanted to show me.

I told them that right now was probably not the best time.

The s/o was sitting in the living room in his lounging pants, drinking a margarita and watching Queer as Folk.

He heard what I told them. He laughed. Said I should have told them to come on in.

There is now no doubt that I am going straight to hell.

The Mormon missionaries were just at our door, and I’m sorry, but one of them was just damn cute.

Man in red, prepare my place, for I am on my way.

I have settled upon my colors. These be them. I call it blue velvet. Whatcha think?